Comparison is the Thief of Joy: How to Deal With Your Thoughts & Learn to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

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“Social media steal happiness, you’ve got to be kidding me,” you’re saying. Or perhaps you’re an avid Instagram-er and Facebook-er and you can completely relate to what I’m saying. Maybe you know the feeling… Your alarm rings at 6 AM for work, and what’s the first thing you do? Grab your phone, of course and see what you missed overnight in your news feed. Barely looking out one eye through the bright light, you see that girl from high school, on ANOTHER vacation, and you haven’t even been on one in the past couple years. You keep scrolling. Another friend was in New York City for the weekend. Another friend just got a puppy. Your sister just got a new car. You roll your eyes and somehow pull yourself out of bed to get into the shower before you get ready to go to the job you hate. Sound familiar?

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At what point does scrolling through your Instagram and Facebook feed become obsessive and detrimental to your own mental health? I truthfully believe that we’ve all been on both sides of this phenomenon. We’ve all been the person that others are envious of, and yet we’ve all been on the opposite side, where we look at others and think their life seems so much better than our own. So if we know we’re doing it and it’s not necessarily true, why do we do it?

In some ways you could say that we’re bombarded by photos and words every single day through every social media channel that we have, so we can’t help it. But in some sick, twisted way, we seek it out, even though we know it makes us feel like crap (we just can’t seem to look away). And guess what, here’s the thing about comparison – If you keep looking for it, someone’s always going to have “a better life,” or what appears like a better life. Someone’s always going to be prettier, funnier, smarter, but no one is YOU. I am a firm believer in the fact that we all have something special about us; something that makes us stand out from others; we may not find that or realize it, unfortunately. Without getting too preach-y on you, if you think of the INSANELY TINY chance that you even end up alive on this planet, it’s pretty wild. So don’t you think that if you were put on this planet to begin with, then you deserve to think that you’re just a little bit special, and might be meant to do great things too?! Yes!

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Remember This:

Here’s the thing you have to think about. Photos in a news feed are simply a snapshot of a moment. They ONLY show the second that the photograph was taken. They don’t show the hours and hours the person worked their butt off to be able to afford the vacation that you’re swooning over. Those Stuart Weitzman boots your friend has… Guess what, she’s been saving up for three years for them.

Photos on Instagram particularly, are the “highlight reel” photos. For the most part, they’re the best of the best of the things that happen in our lives. Think about it- why would someone post a photo on Instagram of themselves sitting on the couch alone on a Saturday night (even though we’ve all been there)? Because it’s not ideal, it’s not enviable, it might even be a little bit embarrassing. I read an amazing quote that helped me to connect all of these thoughts: “Stop comparing your ‘behind the scenes’ to someone else’s ‘highlight reel.’ ” BOOM. Doesn’t that just put everything in perspective? And better yet, stop comparing your highlight reel to someone else’s highlight reel. Because when you compare, you get yourself into a cycle of never, ever being good enough.

Okay, you’re saying…. But how do I actually STOP comparing myself to others? If it were easy, then there would be an on and off switch and I wouldn’t need to be writing this blog post. It’s something we all struggle with, some times are harder than other times. But the bottom line is that it starts with yourself. It starts with knowing that you are worthy, valuable, special, and unique.

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Realize That Your Feeling is Linked To Unhappiness Or a Feeling of Inadequacy in Your Own Life.

And then forgive yourself for having these feelings. It’s normal to have these feelings from time to time, but when you let them take over your life, that’s when you’re in trouble. If you need to do something productive with these feelings, write them down in a notebook, ask yourself why you’re feeling this way, and then write some final thoughts or a next step for yourself. Here’s an example: “I’m so envious that my friend got a new puppy… I’m feeling this way because I’ve been wanting a puppy for a few years now… But, I’m not allowed to have dogs at my apartment and I enjoy traveling on the weekends, so having a dog actually wouldn’t be very practical at this point in my life.” See how refreshing it feels to get that out? Here’s another hypothetical example: “I’m feeling upset because my sister got a new car, and I really need a new car too… I’m feeling this way because I’m embarrassed of my old, run down car that’s going to die any day now… But, I’ve been spending all my savings at the mall, so I haven’t taken the steps to save up for a new car.”

Writing your thoughts down on paper and coming up with a plan makes things much more productive and creates an action plan for yourself. I don’t know about you guys, but when I’m feeling worried or anxious, I can let the same thought circle and circle and circle throughout my head over and over again to the point where I worry even more. By writing down your worries and thoughts, you’re in some ways, “putting an end” to the thought and getting it out of your head. You can then move on with a much more clear mind. You’re telling your mind that it’s out of your thoughts and it’s now somewhere else.

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Start Complimenting People

And not on social media!!! Do it in real life. Love someone’s shirt? Tell them! Love how hard your husband or wife works? Tell them. However, I always feel that the best compliments to the people we love are about their character, not physical ones (although both types always feel nice to hear). That being said, compliments should always be genuine and come from the heart. By complimenting others, you’re practicing positivity and pushing negativity to the side.

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Volunteer

Honestly, I have always seemed to feel happiest when I’ve done something nice for someone else (whether that’s bringing a coworker in need a coffee, offering to watch the kids of a friend who just needs to get out of the house for a few hours, volunteering in an elementary classroom around the holidays, or making dinner for your grandparents). When you stop revolving all of your thoughts around yourself, you just feel better.

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Ask Yourself What You Can Learn From Others

Still can’t get envious thoughts out of your head about a person you look up to? Ask yourself what you can learn from this person, rather than letting negative thoughts about this person circle in your head.

SERIOUSLY Limit Your Time Spent On Social Media

Before I started blogging , I will admit that I spent a lot of time on social media, but nowhere near as much as I spend now. Constantly scrolling through social media feeds keeps you from being in the present and living your own life. We are all so much more than what is shown online, agree? So stop seeking out so much validation on the internet, and start seeking it out in real life. Stop letting “likes” determine your self worth. Because guess what, when you die one day, it’s not going to say the total amount of likes you ever received on your grave. Your online followers aren’t going to show up to your funeral. Stop ignoring the people that actually matter in your everyday life because you’re too busy looking at your phone. Stop telling friends “you can’t come” because you’re too lazy to get off your couch and don’t want to stop looking at your phone while in your sweatpants.

To feel happier, stop looking at your phone as soon as you get up. Wake up, get a cup of coffee and turn on the news if you’re still craving screen time. Also consider turning off screens an hour before bed time. It’s proven to help you sleep better, and will ease your mind.

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Keep a Gratitude Journal

Or if that’s not your thing, before you fall asleep at night, consciously think about (or write) one thing you’re thankful for from that day. It might sound lame, but by focusing on what you do have, rather than what you don’t have, you’re practicing having a more positive mind. I challenge you to keep a gratitude journal from now until Thanksgiving of 2017 and to see how it has changed your mind, thoughts, and maybe even your life. Who’s up for the challenge?!

Realize That There’s Room For Everyone to Shine

For some strange, ugly reason – we tell ourselves that if someone else is shining and doing amazing things, this takes away from our own shine. Guess what, it’s not true! We are all capable of shining next to each other without it taking away from another person. Remember that while we all may never have equal attributes, we each have our own strengths and things that make us, US. Wouldn’t life be so boring if we were all the same?

I hope this has helped you in some way, even if it’s a small one. If you’re not someone who struggles with comparison, then lucky you, but consider that those around you may struggle with it. Consciously think about the things you say before they come out of your mouth. Almost every time we turn to say something bad about someone else, it’s because of a feeling of inadequacy in our own life. So stop having gossip sessions with your girlfriends and start sharing your dreams, passions, and hopes. You’d be amazed at the difference in how you feel by stopping this negative cycle.

Have you ever tried any of these tips? What do you do when you can’t stop the thoughts of comparison? I’m curious to know your thoughts. Comment below 🙂

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