7 SIGNS YOU’RE READY TO MOVE IN WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER:

It’s that time of year – moving time! I’m not sure if it’s like this in other cities on September 1st, but there’s a reason why here in Boston we call it the move-pocalypse. It’s the time of year when at least 75% of the people who are moving, move and damn, if it isn’t pure insanity, I don’t know what is. On September 1st, you’ll see moving trucks as far as the eye can see, and if you’ve ever lived in Boston or know someone who has, then you know to avoid Storrow Drive when you’re driving a moving truck AT ALL COSTS (no, but seriously, the trucks are too high, you will crush it on the overpass).

Moving is a subject that gives a lot of people anxiety, especially when thinking about who to live with. Deciding who to share a living space with and worrying about if you’ll get along, if the other person has any strange habits, or if it will ruin your friendship / relationship are all legitimate fears. Add in the stress of finding a place, the worry about coming up with the insane amount of money that is first month’s rent, last month’s rent, security deposit, and a realtor fee, and it’s no wonder people want to give up before they’ve even started. It’s a whole other ball game when deciding whether or not you’re ready to move in with your significant other. Will our relationship make it through living together? What if he (or she) hates my cooking? What if they annoy me? What will I do if we break up? All fears that circled around in my head before deciding whether or not I was ready to move in with my current boyfriend. Sometimes you just have to go with your gut and what feels right, but in my opinion, there’s also some tell tale signs that you are or aren’t ready to move in with your boyfriend or girlfriend. I also just want to note that it isn’t a bad thing to not be ready to move in with your significant other. You shouldn’t feel bad or guilty for not feeling ready if your significant other asks you. It doesn’t mean your relationship is destined to fail. It means that everyone moves at different paces in life and what may feel like it’s right for one person, isn’t the same for another. Just do you, go with your gut, and read my tips!

7 Signs You’re Ready to Move in With Your Significant Other

1. You Have No “Games” in Your Relationship

This should be a no-brainer, but it’s probably one of the most important. So what are games? You guys know exactly what I’m talking about. We’ve all either participated in these games or been victim to them, and most of us have probably been on both sides at one point or the other. Games include, “I’m not going to text him/her back till it’s been a certain amount of time since they texted me because I don’t want to seem desperate or like I’m sitting next to my phone waiting.” Games also include, going through the person’s phone, stalking the person’s ex on social media, not wanting to “double text,” pretending not to be interested/playing hard to get so that the person will be “more interested,” or not answering the person’s phone call to make it seem like you’re busy. These are all red flags in a relationship, and while there can sometimes be a healthy amount of flirty, game-playing in the beginning stages of dating, these are not things you should put up with or do if you’re in a committed relationship. If these things are happening in your relationship and you’re considering moving in together, I can absolutely, without a doubt, say that you’re not ready to move in together. Not being ready to move in together isn’t a negative, it just means you’re not quite at that point yet. Don’t rush things and enjoy things for how they are now!

2. You See a Future In Your Relationship

Another no-brainer, but it’s important. If you don’t see a future in your current relationship and are considering moving in together, my main question would be, “why?” Moving in together is something that I don’t think should be taken lightly. Usually, when taking the plunge to move in with a significant other it means that you see something long term with this person that’s serious, committed, and offers a promising future with the other person. Whether or not you see marriage with this person or not, I’m not going to get into, because I know everyone has different feelings, thoughts, and philosophies on whether or not marriage is for them or not, and that’s perfectly normal and fine! Moving in with your significant other means you see this working for a long time, you want things to work thinking long-term, and that you see a future in this relationship.

3. You’re Frequently Spending the Night at the Other Person’s Place

This isn’t required, however, I think it helps because you get to know the other person’s living habits and quirks. G and I moved in pretty early with each other, after about a year and a half of dating. Since I was living alone (and knew that I didn’t want to / couldn’t afford to live alone another year), and G’s roommate had just become engaged and was going to be moving out, to us, it seemed like the logical next step. Neither of us had any prospects for who we were going to live with either. At this point, we had been dating about a year and a half, with me being in Boston for a year of that time. There were many reasons I felt comfortable taking the chance on moving in together, and one of them was that we were with each other about four nights a week anyway. I was frequently driving to his place, or he was driving to mine, between 50% – 75% of the week. Once you get to the point where your significant other is practically living with you, or you with them, you can get a more realistic idea about whether or not this is a person that you could see yourself living with and spending a huge portion of your time with.

4. You Can Talk About Finances

Talking money and finances sometimes feels just plain awkward, especially when it’s not a comfortable thing for most. Do I think you need to disclose the exact dollar amount you’re making per year to the other person when first moving in? No. However, you do both need to be able to talk about finances pretty openly with the other person so that each knows what to expect. For starters, if you’re apartment hunting, you need to be on the same page about what your budget is per month. If one person’s budget is $4,000 per month, while the other’s is $1,000 per month, you can see how things can get dicey. If you’re making drastically different amounts, does that mean one person pays 60% of their income while the other pays 40%? Will you each pay 50/50 for things like the electric bill, gas, and Internet/TV? Who will do the grocery shopping? You can see how these are things that need to be talked about before and during your move-in process. Don’t be the person who never wants to talk about finances because it’s uncomfortable to you or you don’t know how to talk about it. If you don’t feel comfortable talking about these things, perhaps you aren’t ready to move in together. Again, it’s not a bad thing, it just means you’re not ready yet.

5. You’re Open to Compromising and Meeting in the Middle

Geoff and I had the opportunity to not move (or at least he wouldn’t have moved), which would have been me moving into his place after his roommate moved out. While it was a great place in a great location, I felt really strongly about finding a new place for both of us together, so it didn’t just feel like I was moving into a place that wasn’t really mine. Of course, we then ended up paying for movers and only moving a three minute walk away from where he used to live, so it certainly wasn’t the most financially savvy move, however, it made the process of moving in together exciting and made it feel a lot more real. Moving in together is a huge step, whether people admit that or not. Going through the process of moving together and having to communicate about your wants and preferences is an important step in a relationship. I say, find your own new place together! Don’t be afraid to speak up about what you want or don’t want. The other person may just feel the exact same as you. And if they don’t feel the same, it’s okay. It’s healthy to disagree about things. What matters is how you resolve your disagreements.

6. You Can Communicate Together

I’m not talking about how you can go on a date and have good conversation without things being awkward. I’m talking about real life dilemmas, problems, and your hopes and dreams. First of all, if something is bugging you about your significant other repeatedly, you need to communicate that. I think we often think that our significant others are mind readers, and while they may know a lot about us (things we may not even know about ourselves) they aren’t mind readers. This one goes right along with #1 on this list. If you can’t communicate about things with your significant other, you are not ready to live together *insert clapping hand emoji.* Does it mean you’ll never be ready to communicate about those tough topics? Absolutely not. It just means that right now, your relationship is still in the beginning stages, or even if it’s not in the beginning stages, it’s okay. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to a relationship. Just because your friend moved in with her boyfriend after dating one month and it worked out doesn’t mean you’re ready to do the same. On the other hand, just because your other friend moved in with their significant other after five years of dating and then broke up, doesn’t mean your relationship is destined to fail. Every relationship is different. I’m simply sharing things I think are helpful to consider before moving in with a significant other!

7. Your Mom and Dad Approve

My mom was one of the first people I went to for advice on whether or not I was making the right decision. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve been in denial in the past about how things were going with the person I was dating. Everything seems like it’s going great (until it’s not), we ignore the warning signs, and then once you’re out you ask yourself why you put up with the things you did, or why you thought it was a good match. Sometimes we need an outsider’s perspective, and since moving in with your significant other is a big decision, I would suggest getting the opinion of someone you love and trust. You want to make sure you’re asking someone whom you respect and who will give you an honest answer. If that’s not your parents, then perhaps your grandparents or a trusted friend would be a good one to go to. I say trusted friend because I feel that sometimes it’s hard for a friend to be truly honest about how they feel about a significant other.

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Half the battle is going with your gut and asking yourself if this truly feels right. The worst case scenario? It doesn’t work out. Guess what? Life still goes on! Don’t be so hard on yourself.

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